I’m sitting here waiting for a student of mine to show up. He’s half an hour late. I was a little annoyed by this until I realized its been a good couple months since this happened. Most of my students are pretty cool. I’m really lucky now too, I seem to have a lesson almost every day. Waking up to fresh coffee and hand history discussions with motivated young professionals is really keeping me on my game. Then I hit the exercise room…err, where I keep the washer, dryer, and Orbitrek…and put a training video up on the laptop. I’ve been doing this professionally for six years. I’ve played millions of hands, but I still feel like I’m learning more now than ever before. It’s a rush to just final table multiple tournaments a day, fighting for wins, to put a couple thousand more in the bank account. It’s fun again.
It’s a trip to me to see so many grinders who made the trek out of the states, and have no idea what they’re doing. No hate, some of them seem to be having a blast and making more than ever. There’s just so many temptations in different countries. I got swallowed up a couple years ago. I can’t imagine how hard it is now with the games being the way they are.
I study tons of hand histories as well, and the some of the “best” regs have such glaring leaks. If they went through two hand histories of their own they would stick out like a sore thumb, but they’d rather put in another 10 hours of suboptimal grinding. Get a buzz off of shoving them there chips in.
I can’t hate, I’m addicted to this as much as anyone. But the more I study the more obsessive I am with what money I could be leaving on the table. And I do spew still.
Yesterday I had my first real losing session in six sessions. Sick run, I know, but in my mind I expect to final table one or two tournaments every day. Even a day where I only lose 1k is a victory in my mind, because 1k is much easier to recover than 6. But yeah, I did nothing yesterday. I finished 11th and 12th in some big tournaments, and I final tabled the $109 40K Gtd on Stars, but just got three outted in huge spots, couldn’t connect when I needed it, etc. No biggie, I’m sure I’ll be back at it tomorrow.
Now if I was smart I’d be spending today doing something refreshing, like playing Final Fantasy or finishing this book I’m reading Aztec. But I end up going out to lunch with my girlfriend’s father and her, eating a big fish made by the Lebanese, then going to pick up things for the house, see a movie, come home and organize/build up my grind castle a little more. Oh yeah, throw in some lessons and training videos. It’s good and all to stay active but when I do a spewier play I wonder if I’d just chilled on my day off if I’d be more in control.
I guess that’s why a lot of grinders resort to drugs. We’re obsessive types, always being pushed forward and into boxes by our thoughts, never truly disconnected. It’s tempting to find something that’ll help you disengage. Now I give in to my obsessive thoughts and work habits, but its bordering on an addiction as well. I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m actually alone sometimes and not working. The first twenty minutes of me watching a movie by myself I feel like jumping out of my skin. It’s only when I really try to relax that I can do it.
I get addicted to work because I like the feeling of being worn out and actually falling asleep.
My girl saves my ass a lot of the time. When she’s around for some reason I mellow out. I can’t explain why. I can hang out like a normal person with her around. By myself I always feel like I should be working.
A lot of people look on the lazy friends they had in high school with disdain. Man, I wish I could sit around all day playing video games, but I have a physical reaction against it. I have things to do, goals to accomplish. While it’s good to be driven I think people who just can do whatever they want without any semblance of responsibility might quietly be the richest people on earth. If only they knew it.