What You Gonna Do?

I was with my girlfriend and her friend on a street near her house, going to see a mutual friend of ours.

We stopped for a second. This van pulled up. A kid was crying in the back, but not normal crying. The five-year-old was screaming bloody murder. My girlfriend, her friend, and I stopped. The man was waiting to drop the child off, but the kid would not stop.

Suddenly, he got out of the driver side door, got in the back, and slammed the car seats with his fists, screaming at the child.

It was hard to see. It was dark. There weren’t many streetlights. There was no light on in the shell of the van.

I was blown away – I couldn’t move. The child’s screams were blood-curdling. What had this man been doing all night to this kid?

The mother came out to pick up her kid. The man got back in the car, screaming at everyone. The feeling came back into me. I got in front of his car and yelled, “fucking pussy, does that make you feel like a real man?”

I wanted him to come out, so I could say he initiated it. I wanted an excuse. This brought up things in my mind I didn’t want. I couldn’t stand thinking about how terrified that kid was, getting screamed at and having shit slammed near them by someone three times their height.

My girlfriend moved me out of the way of the car, probably worried this piece of shit would run me over.

He didn’t come out, but he drove by me staring at me. I yelled, “I’ll end your fucking life buddy, I don’t wear diapers.”

As the car pulled away, I was in a rage. Why hadn’t I just pulled him out of the car?

Then again, it’s aggressive, but he didn’t hit the child. Just terrified him and communicated a tone of violence. If I punched that guy what am I teaching the kid?

We got to our friend’s house. I couldn’t really talk with anyone. I felt like a pussy. When I was high I would have acted. When I was drunk I would have acted. Sober me was apparently a non-entity. I’d just rattled off some phrases I’d heard a 100 times before in similar situations. I’d waited for the coward to come out. I hadn’t brought his world to him.

My girlfriend and her friend were calling someone. I asked what they were doing. While I’d been getting in front of the car and acting like a dumbass they had written his driver’s license down. They were calling the police and filing a report.

I realized they probably were the ones who could justly deal with a situation. I recognize this is why we need government. However, I never trust a government official to be fast on anything that’s not paying him.

I was thinking, “I guess I’ll know what happened later when I see the guy.”

My girlfriend a few minutes later said on the phone the word for hit. I said what?!  Her and her friend said yeah, he hit the child.

I hadn’t even seen that.

How much did I want to trust the police to handle this now?

Why is it mine to handle? Is it even responsible to get in the way? How likely would I be to get deported if I just got into it with a national?

My friend said it was the Nicaraguan guy they knew. He said I would have been fine because he wasn’t a national.

Now I knew I couldn’t trust the government. I’ve been jumped in countries and received no help because I wasn’t from there. How can I trust this government to prosecute this man?

Is it right to fight violence with violence? Won’t this just escalate? But I can’t just go talk to the guy.

I’m against fighting in front of kids but…that night tested me. And I keep wondering, what would I have done if I’d actually seen him hit the kid?

And my next thought, for better or for worse, is “hopefully more than what I did do.”

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