What’s Next?

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Kearney, New Jersey

I have been in a rut for over a year…and I am just coming out of it.

It felt like my mind was thinking through wet cement.

Before the last few months, I couldn’t rest, eat, or calm down. I spent six nights a week at the gym, only to come home and binge on junk food.

Unable to sleep, I spent hours laying in my bed listening to audio books. I devoured new material.

I used the depression to my betterment. I created Live Poker 101 and Master The Flop with all the sleepless hours, which became my best products. I took to working out more. I lost 40+ pounds.

On a layover in New York, I decided to take a high school friend out for a proper date. If I couldn’t feel good myself, I figured I could help make someone’s else’s day. She’s now my girlfriend.

Each day has slowly gotten better. I get stronger mentally and physically the more I work out in gyms.

My mind loosened somewhere in all the patchwork 4:00 AMs, and I found a new angle on poker I hadn’t found before. It’s fascinating how you can still learn 11 years in.

I have some essays I wrote from when I was really down. I’ve had a professional editor go over them. She says they’re powerful.

I thought about putting them together for a free collection. I also thought about not doing that.

I’m going to spend another month or two getting set up in the states before I play again seriously.

“A month or two?” I have 50 years left in my career. I’d rather get set up in a couple of months and then deliver years of powerful poker as opposed to half-assing everything.

Money was an issue. Divorce isn’t cheap. Nor is relocating countries.

I actually could keep adding to that list, but I’m not going to hang my hat on it. I’m glad everything happened the way it did. It taught me how to run my business more efficiently.

You get real creative real fast when it’s your ass on the line.

The work schedule was grueling, but it made me look to rehabilitate my body, which is reaping huge dividends.

I made myself redo my lesson plans and create new concepts. My understanding of No Limit Hold’em has deepened to a degree I never thought was possible.

You’re going to hear about me again. You’re going to see me at more final tables.

I am mentally tougher than I have ever been before. I am grateful for the opportunities afforded to me. I can feel myself becoming stronger. I can feel my head clearing.

I believe depression is an illness now. There are thoughts I am forming that were impossible to conceive of mere months ago.

I am calm. Moving to the East Coast was the best thing for me.

I am happy. My friends have been there for me from the beginning of all of this. I have a few new business deals coming through that should see me paying them all back with interest.

After that, it’s just myself and the IRS, and I’m fine with that.

Now that I’ve spent nearly a decade outside of the United States I have grown to love this country. I don’t mind paying the taxes.

I like it here. The water is clean. Food is cheap. People are kind. Public transit is readily available. English is widely spoken. There’s always a game. I can walk the streets at night. Most cops will rush to help you in a time of need.

I am at a loss for words.

How do you explain to someone you felt dead spiritually, and now you feel alive?

I feel better.

There’s still a ton to be done. Each day is more packed than the last. I’m still a one-man show, and this business gets more complex every year.

But I’m enjoying the journey.

I feel like I’m making progress.

Even when I was making money in Costa Rica, it felt like I was sacrificing my body and sanity to do it.

There were so many issues I couldn’t anticipate.

One day I’ll have the words. That day just isn’t today.

I have countless students now. My videos are selling well. I have so many projects that are succeeding. I’m really blessed.

My schedule is manageable now. Two days off a week with my girlfriend is just enough to recharge.

I didn’t take true days off for years.

The finish line is in sight. Once I’m there, I can make more days to play cards. I can make more days to write. I can publish smaller self-published projects first.

I can spend more time making videos.

I can travel more.

I can take a week to read all of these books and courses I have accumulated.

I might take my first weeklong vacation in 10 years.